How to update a post lamp in 137* simple steps: Part One

*This number is totally outrageous. Actually, I prefer to say that it’s an extraordinary use of hyperbole. In reality, it should only take a normal person a handful of steps but that’s not how we do things ’round these parts.

Just to give you a little idea of what we were working with, here is our “before” photo:

Step 1) Send your husband out to do the dirty work (aka installing a new post lamp)

Step 2) Be informed that the screws are rusted

Step 3) Apply liquid wrench

Step 4) Wait approximately a month…not because it’s required but because you’re lazy…or the weather won’t cooperate…or you’re lazy

Step 5) Sporadically decide to once again try installing new post lamp

Step 6) Send husband out to do the dirty work…supervise this time

Step 7) Turn off power so you don’t kill yourself or your husband

Step 8) Hammer screwdriver into old screws to create new screw heads and remove screws

Step 9) Disconnect old lamp

Step 10) Attempt to figure out how in the world the lamp was connected in the first place

Step 11) Attempt to fish out wires

Step 12) Decide to get rid of the massive, unruly vine bush thing that’s in your way

Step 13) Put on amazing floral gloves

Step 14) Unwind branches to remove – use saw when needed

Step 15) Admire your handy work

Step 16) Actually figure out how in the world the lamp was connected in the first place

Step 17) Apply more liquid wrench to the screws around the outlet, do not wait a month to dry this time

Step 18) Actually fish out wires

Step 19) Remove old crusty lamp

Step 20) Place bright, shiny, new lamp on post

Step 21) Grab your junk and run inside because it’s now pouring down rain and oh yeah, there’s a ton of lightning. too.

To be continued when the weather cooperates and we can finish this little project…which is unfortunately not today but probably later this week or this weekend.